With the Olympic Trials underway and athletics-inspired patriotism swelling in our hearts, Olympics fever has struck the U.S. Though theatregoing and sports-loving populations don鈥檛 always enjoy a ton of overlap, there鈥檚 no reason we Broadway aficionados shouldn鈥檛 be getting amped up for such a special summer. In honor both of the Olympic Games (which officially being with the Opening Ceremony August 5 on NBC), 半岛体育 compiled a list of Broadway-themed events, and took the liberty to award gold medals in each category. Let the (半岛体育) Games begin!
TRACK & FIELD
Event: High-Note Jump
Gold-Medalist: Laura Benanti, She Loves Me
Laura returns to the Games after a previous gold-medal win in Sochi鈥檚 Side-Eye finals a couple years back (when she competed with The Sound of Music Live). This time, her perfectly placed B-flat out-jumped the former record, which had stalled at a measly A-natural. Laura鈥檚 talents are many: You should also watch out for her skills in the prelims of Quickest Wit鈥攈er always-hilarious tweets are a strong contender for the gold medal there, as well.
Event: 100-Meter Quick-Change Dash
Gold-Medalist: Laura Osnes, Cinderella
Although her beauty, voice and general grace are all gold medal-worthy, Osnes鈥� first 半岛体育 Games gold medal comes as a result of the incredible athleticism she exhibited onstage in last year鈥檚 playfully innovative revival of Cinderalla. Remember that unbelievable rags-to-gown, split-second transformation? Because we do. It defied odds and logic, and Osnes completed it with nary a bead of sweat shed. An honorary silver medal goes to Santino Fontana for being a dreamy and generally awesome co-star.
Event: Long-Distance Run鈥f a Show
Gold-Medalist: The Phantom of the Opera
She might be old, but she certainly is wise: slow, steady and chandelier-packed wins this race, with nearly three decades of performances under Phantom鈥檚 Broadway belt. Despite its feline acrobatic and athletic disposition, Cats couldn鈥檛 maintain the lead it once held in this test of Broadway-run endurance. For Phantom, the key to sustained 半岛体育 Games dominance lays in continual refreshing of team members鈥攁ctors like Norm Lewis inject vivacity into a tried-and-tested team model. Other lean-legged long-distance contenders include Wicked and Chicago, which smartly keep pace with Phantom thanks to loving fans.
ARCHERY
Event: Center-of-the-Note Bullseye
Gold Medalist: Kelli O'Hara, The King and I
Call her the Katniss Everdeen of musical theatre, 鈥榗ause when she goes for a high note, she doesn鈥檛 miss. Her resonance from her classical training rings on each pitch. This oft-nominated actress is an understated powerhouse of emotion and vocal accuracy, and is sure to end up burdened by the spoils of her success. Whether swimming in the South Pacific, dashing through Italian piazzas or hiking across bridges in Madison County, O鈥橦ara鈥檚 sporty interests are diverse, and the thought of their breadth alone is enough to make the most athletic of fans cheer.
DIVING
Event: Headfirst Dive into 鈥楿ncharted鈥� Character Waters
Gold-Medalist: Jessie Mueller, Waitress
For the purposes of the 半岛体育 Games, Jessie Mueller is a would-be Dream Team member. She can tackle any kind of material, portray any age and sing any style鈥攁ll while demonstrating graciousness and humility. From her award-winning turn as Carole King in Beautiful to her celebrated performance in Waitress, Mueller throws herself fully into her roles. She takes the plunge without hesitation, and the result warrants a perfect 鈥�10鈥� from judges and enamored fans alike.
FENCING
Event: Verbal Jousting
Gold-Medalist: Daveed Diggs, Hamilton
En garde, all you people who...speak! Whether speech-sparring as Thomas Jefferson or the Marquis de Lafayette, Diggs鈥� word-wielding skills are unmatched鈥攁ny other competitor is likely to lay down his sword lest it be knocked from his grip first. Parrying or partying with frenemy Alexander Hamilton, Diggs (as TJ or the MdL) has audiences cheering and wishing maybe, just one day, we could possibly be so cool. The only appropriate response to Diggs鈥� slicing verbal talent is 迟辞耻肠丑茅.
GYMNASTICS
Event: Singing While in Full Splits
Gold-Medalist: Jane Krakowski, She Loves Me
Most of you probably didn鈥檛 know that She Loves Me鈥檚 Tony performance was also going to be a gymnastics event, but thanks to Krakowski鈥檚 many talents and no-holds-barred commitment to her craft, it was! Krakowski鈥檚 flexibility isn鈥檛 merely vocal鈥攏o, the star of stage and screen can also whack her own face and cooter-slam as well as the cast of Kinky Boots, a fact she demonstrates each night during She Loves Me when she drops into the splits, mid-song, without missing a beat. The only thing as high as Jane鈥檚 flawless battement? Her celeb status.
SWIMMING
Event: Looking Like Michael Phelps, and Actually Swimming Onstage
Gold-Medalist: Alex Breaux, Red Speedo
For those who missed Red Speedo at New York Theater Workshop, the star of the tightly twisted drama, Alex Breaux, actually, and for nearly the entire performance, donned the titular red speedo. Yep, folks: Hopes were high, and they were met. Mr. Breaux鈥檚 swimsuit-clad look was authentic, much-appreciated and certainly gold medal-worthy. Oh and also there was an actual pool onstage and Breaux actually swam in it. All this, on top of stellar acting and a final fight sequence that would鈥檝e given any Greco-Roman wrestling match a run for its money in suspense and ferocity.
TABLE TENNIS
Event: Family Allegiance Ping-Pong
Gold-Medalist: The Cast of The Humans
The rate of dramatic revelation in this year鈥檚 Tony-winning play, The Humans, is so rapid and variable that, the morning after seeing the production, this writer鈥檚 neck was actually sore. Packed with tension and the nuances of shifting family dynamics, The Humans is an emotional workout for any audience member, not to mention the gifted, unflinching cast, which boasted Reed Birney, Jayne Houdyshell, Arian Moyaed, Lauren Klein, Cassie Beck and Sarah Steele.
WRESTLING
Event: Wrestling with Demons
Gold-Medalist: Jessica Lange, as Mary Tyrone in Long Day鈥檚 Journey
Joan Marcus
Anyone who has witnessed Jessica Lange onstage will attest: this actress鈥� theatrical athleticism is top-notch. Her approach to character depth is unapologetic and whole鈥攖he only thing greater is Jessica鈥檚 own endurance. Seven times a week, Lange performed a role requiring emotional extremes through charged dialogue and demanding monologue. Oh and have we mentioned that Long Day鈥檚 Journey is nearly four hours in length? Next time you want to whine about that five-minute dance break in your one-act, think of Lange, and her winning stamina.
WEIGHLIFTING
Event: Family Legacy Burden-Bearing
Gold-Medalist: Danny Burstein, Fiddler on the Roof
With the weight of the show on his shoulders鈥攁nd the need to convey Tevye鈥檚 integrity鈥擠anny Burstein faces a challenge each night at the Broadway Theatre. But the frequent Tony nominee has been conditioning his theatrical and character-developing muscles for years鈥攁ward-worthy performances are invariably top-notch for this versatile and dedicated performer. When asked about the source of all his energy and continually excellent portrayals, he replied: 鈥淲hat, like it鈥檚 hard?鈥�
DECATHLON
Event: The Actual Decathlon, the ultimate one-person, ten-challenge event
Gold-Medalist: Cynthia Erivo, The Color Purple
Remember that time that Erivo ran a half-marathon before a flawless two-show day? Such a feat is akin to winning the toughest, most rigorous of Olympic events: the decathlon. For the decathlon, an athlete actually has to complete ten separate events, from long-distance running to pole-vaulting and beyond. People throw around the word 鈥渇ierce,鈥� but in the case of Erivo, it鈥檚 the only appropriate adjective. She鈥檚 a 鈥渇ierce鈥� competitor鈥攆iercely committed to her art, to her fans and to living life in a way that seems fiercely fulfilling. Her vocal gifts and theatrical endurance know no bounds, nor does her brightness of spirit. For this, she deserves the 半岛体育 Games鈥� highest recognition. Oh, and per her Instagram, she鈥檚 a legitimate athlete, too.
