Every performer brings his or her life experiences to the stage, but what happens when an actor has lived through war zones, combat, and trauma? For military veterans, theatre has the potential to be much more than just a pastime or a profession, it can help heal, and even save lives.
Acting, Victor Almanzar says, has saved his life on more than one occasion. When the Between Riverside and Crazy actor arrived in the U.S. as a 13-year-old immigrant from the Dominican Republic, he felt displaced. He gravitated towards the drama program at his high school, and later found a sense of belonging with a local theatre group.
In 2000, Almanzar signed up for the Marines to work with heavy artillery鈥攈andling shells that were two-feet tall and weighed about 100 pounds each. Serving was tough, both physically and emotionally, but he was thriving. 鈥淚 was able to swing in those waters, amongst men,鈥� he says. 鈥淚t gave me a sense of importance and confidence.鈥�
And then 9/11 happened. 鈥淚 signed up to the military to get myself through school, to have a better future for myself, and to help out my family,鈥� says the actor. 鈥淚n no way, shape, or form did I think a war was coming.鈥�
Almanzar was one of the first units to enter Iraq, and by the time he returned to the States, he only had six months left of his contract. He was offered a promotion and a hefty bonus, but he opted not to re-enlist. 鈥淭here was a lot that I wanted to do in my life,鈥� he says. 鈥淚 saw the world differently; I didn鈥檛 see myself fighting all the time.鈥�
But the transition from military back to civilian life wasn鈥檛 as smooth as he鈥檇 anticipated. Once again, Almanzar felt displaced. 鈥淔or a while I didn鈥檛 know what I was going to do with myself. I pulled back from family and friends and I didn鈥檛 understand why. I didn鈥檛 think about how the experience [of war] might have changed me,鈥� he says. 鈥淭here are a lot of people coming out of the military who stay stuck in that hole and there鈥檚 no coming out.鈥�
Almanzar says that he woke up one day and thought: 鈥淚鈥檝e got to help myself.鈥� He changed his diet, started exercising again, and thought about the things he used to enjoy鈥攍ike drama. He got a job teaching at his old theatre group, and eventually completed his undergrad and masters in acting. 鈥淔ocusing all my energy into theatre was therapeutic. It helped me a lot,鈥� he says. 鈥淚t helped me put down my guard, and embrace people again.鈥�
For army veteran and actor Sandra W Lee, the transition back to civilian life was just as difficult. Lee was a staff sergeant in civil affairs who was deployed to Baghdad for a year between 2003鈥�04. Her job was to help rebuild infrastructure in the area, specifically schools, but she repeatedly found herself in combat zones or under attack.
鈥淚 was involved in four roadside bombs while I was there. That is life altering,鈥� says Lee. 鈥淚t鈥檚 hard for me to recall what it felt like, unless I want to give myself an anxiety attack.鈥�
When she returned to the U.S., Lee was hospitalized for post-traumatic stress. Afterward, she tried to study international relations at University, but found normalcy was almost impossible.
鈥淚 sank into a very, very deep depression,鈥� she recalls. 鈥淲here suicide was just the next step away.鈥� It wasn鈥檛 just her experience of war that had impacted her鈥攍ike Almanzar, she had trouble transitioning from such a regimented life 鈥渨here you鈥檙e told what to do 24/7.鈥� Before joining the army, Lee had also studied opera, so she decided to give acting another go鈥攖o try and escape reality.
鈥淭heatre literally saved my life. I don鈥檛 mean that in an ambiguous way,鈥� says Lee. 鈥淭he theatre community wouldn鈥檛 let me fall.鈥� What had started as a crutch and a distraction turned into her salvation.
Lee experienced a milestone in her healing process earlier this year when she performed in Waterwell鈥檚 The Blueprint Specials, which cast real military veterans in a production of forgotten Frank Loesser musicals. The show played a limited engagement as part of the 2017 Under the Radar Festival. 鈥淚t fulfilled a part of my heart and soul that I felt like I鈥檇 lost,鈥� she says, 鈥渁nd it helped me reconnect with veterans again.鈥�
For Lee, what made the Waterwell staging so successful were the talkbacks, which facilitated discussions between the military veterans and civilian audiences. 鈥淪ometimes we want to be engaged in conversations,鈥� she says, 鈥渨ith more truth, openness, and honesty鈥�. To have that forum within the entertainment world is very unique.鈥�
For veterans of the Second World War or Vietnam, such forums were few and far between. When actor Stephen Payne returned from serving two tours of duty in the navy during the Vietnam War, he didn鈥檛 have access to such programs. He was just 19 years old, and instead turned to alcohol and drugs.
鈥淚 guess I was probably suffering from what they would now call PTSD, but at the time, no one had ever heard of that,鈥� says Payne. 鈥淚 felt like a stranger. I felt like the world was moving away from me.鈥�
After Vietnam, Payne tried his hand at painting before falling into acting through connections with the downtown theatre scene in New York. He has performed on and Off-Broadway throughout the years, and recently wrapped up performances as Julius, a dying Vietnam veteran in Basil Kreimendahl鈥檚 at Rattlestick Playwrights Theater. The role was emotionally challenging, and would often bring him right back to his time on the Mekong Delta.
Payne says he feels very lucky to have found acting, and the relief it has provided him. 鈥淚鈥檓 so grateful for the life I鈥檝e had. Whatever it is [that happened in Vietnam] runs so deep, that I can find relief in expressing things. I don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 ever been a play where I didn鈥檛 bring some part of that experience.鈥�
Payne, Almanzar, and Lee agree that more military veterans could benefit from drama programs and better access to theatre. During their darkest moments, acting was a way for each of them to gradually and successfully transition back into civilian life and find hope again.
Almanzar is currently performing in the Atlantic Theatre production of , and stars in the soon-to-be-released film , which he also co-wrote; Lee recently performed in , a theatrical collaboration which she co-wrote about women in the military; and Payne just concluded performances of Orange Julius. Robert Soto also contributed to this story.
